The book is for those who feels different, misunderstood, frustrated, or constrained by their parents, siblings, neighbors, roommates, bosses, coworkers, Tinder matches, significant others, or society-at-large. This book is for misfits, rebels, black sheep, and unicorns. The book teaches how to celebrate what it means to be you – in all your weird, difficult, selfish, antisocial, overexcited, unique, and unconventional ways.
You are here. An orientation exercise.
The author says: I have continued to ask “Why because?” throughout my life, and not only when I’m denied access to cotton candy and Ferris wheels. For example: the words “social butterfly,” “optimist,” and “mama bear” do not describe her, so why would you go to the party of the year just because you got invited? Why should you look on the bright side just because someone told you to? and what if you have no intention of starting a family just because that’s what all your friends are doing these days?
In her terms, what tickles your pickle. You should check your ego at the door. If you don’t have confidence in yourself, who will? Own it, talk with it, walk with it, and don’t forget to congratulate yourself on a daily basis. You’ve earned it. The right to be a little selfish, imperfect, or difficult when you feel like it.
Do this to yourself when Judgy calls you “difficult.” The Judgy thinks he should be able to walk all over you like you are some cheap frat house rag, but he is mistaken, for you are a fine Moroccan tapestry that was worth sourcing, transporting on someone’s lap for the ten-hour flight home, and hanging on the wall, far away from dumb muddy boat shoes.
Raise hell when something is important to you, act crazy when you feel like it, and see the glass as half empty if negativity is what motivates you yo get shit done? You.Do.You.
DOs and DON’Ts: Rules for the breaking
Rules come in all shapes and sizes. They are usually there for a reason, but many of them are not as indisputable as you’ve been led to believe. “Be nice to your elders” is a good suggestion in theory, but plenty of elders can be real dirtbags. Conclusion: rules that are also “laws” are probably best left unchallenged. Some rules are holding people back than they are helping.
Decide to get loud about my opinions instead of sitting idly by and avoiding confrontation. “Rules are rules!” you might say. But, “Eh, most of them are just suggestions.”Maybe other people’s version of happiness doesn’t match up with yours. If you forget to put on sunblock, whose fault is it that you got burned. You can’t please everyone, so why not start by pleasing yourself?
Don’t be selfish. Life is short. Reclaim the word.
Selfishness is a perfectly healthy quality, and under the right circumstances, “Be selfish!” is even better advice. Nothing should obligate us to give of ourselves without restriction, always and forever. If your starting role on earth is a limited run – and I hate to break it to you, but it surely is – why impose limits on the happiness you can have while you’re still here? Being selfish is not always a bad thing. This shouldn’t be so controversial.
Selfish – looking out for yourself while also not being an asshole, an insufferable prick, or a psychopath. And if being self-ISH results in you being a happier, calmer, more generous individual – then so be it.
Do your best. Except when you can’t. Or you don’t want to. Or it’s giving you heartburn.
Fuck perfect. It takes courage to admit that you are both flawed and vulnerable, and being courageous is better than being perfect any day of the week and twice on Sunday. Accepting that we all have flaws – and therefore, vulnerabilities – is the only way forward into gaining confidence in who and what we are.
We all deserve to cut ourselves some slack every once in a while. You don’t get what you don’t ask for. But you also don’t have to constantly settle for less than you want, need, or deserve in the course of an average day.
Do be a team player. On the contrary, you can do You all by yourself. One is the loveliest number. It is not weird or bad to prefer the company of yourself over others. You’re not alone in wanting to be alone. Worry about what you can control (your own behavior) and not about what you can’t (other people’s opinions).
Don’t quit your day job. Take risks, ignore the doubters, and prove the haters wrong. People who exit their comfort zones and parachute into the Great Unknown have long been rewarded for their guts and mettle.
WILLs & WON’Ts: Not-so-great expectations
Sometimes you have to take the fall in order to learn the lesson for yourself. You’ve got to make your own mistakes, and own the mistakes you make.
The other side of the “Accept yourself, then act with confidence” coin is “Act with confidence, then accept the consequences.” In order to feel comfortable making decisions in the first place, you have to feel comfortable getting a few of them wrong. Because you will get a few of them wrong. And when you do, you can’t let yourself be permanently sidelined by regret.
Success is not one-size-fits-all. Maybe you define success as having flexibility in your life, specifically because you don’t measure success in terms of climbing a career ladder or making more and more money.
We just need permission to be ourselves, make our own decisions and mistakes, and revel in our own success, whatever that means to us. It’s time to grant that permission to your own damn self. Because living your life according to other people’s definitions of success is the same as living your life according to other people’s dreams, other people’s fears, and other people’s notions of risk and regret. That’s not helping anybody.
And in the end, the only person it hurts when you shape your life according to other people’s standards?
You.
This is what the phrase “You do you” was meant for! If everyone on earth responded to acts of well-intentioned weirdness with acceptance and encouragement, we’d all be having a lot more fun, with a generous dollop of self-confidence.
There are folks who know they’re weird and sometimes flaunt it, but afterward they feel judged and critized. If this is you, you’re living in the purgatory of being yourself without feeling good about being yourself.
It’s all about granting your inner monologue its outside voice, regardless of who’s there to listen.
Shoulds & Shouldn’ts: Much too much obliged
In “You should smile more,” I’ll examine the fetishization of niceness with regard to looking, acting, and the saying of things. I don’t support mouthing off, making enemies, and being mean for no good reason. But nor should you feel compelled to present a veneer of beatific calm to the world when inside, you’re minorly irritated or majorly pissed off.
A healthy sense of self-esteem is not a flaw, and confidence is the greatest strength you can cultivate.